When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
