youre lurking in front of me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
