he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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