If that was your dad, he is hot
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
