So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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