Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
