Sponge bath it is.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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