my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
