I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
