Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
