omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
