none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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