Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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