did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
