I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
