After last night, I could never be a politician.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
