We're like a lot better than the average bears
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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