This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
