I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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