My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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