I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
