He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
