Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
