I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
