drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
