If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
