I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
