Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
