Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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