So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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