So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
