hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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