I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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