Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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