areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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