I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
