I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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