Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i came on her dog
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
