is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I supernannyed him into submission
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
