I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
