Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
