Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
