very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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