dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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