Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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