I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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