nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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