No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
