I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
