Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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