I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well I just put wine in my tea
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
