And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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