I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
