put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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