i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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