Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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